That feeling of dread you note here feels rough even when I read this, and I am sorry you are going through this. This is most definitely TOUGH news, and there is quite a bit that this brings up for you. You have made PROFOUND progress in your health, and I know it’s scary to think about what it would be like if you lost this progress. Very, real and understandable feelings here.
May I kind of “sit” with you a bit on this? It feels a bit odd saying it that way, but I hope it makes sense. What I mean is that I think there is some room to feel this way when you’re initially hit with news that could really change things for you. It sucks.
I don’t want to move too quickly to other ideas that aren’t really going to feel like solutions here because I don’t think we have a solution that really easily and quickly “fixes” this. There are too many things at play for this to be simple. You could purchase the meds directly from the manufacturer, but that is expensive. Many people can’t afford this. You could look into compounding, however that is far less regulated. I echo Austin’s suggestion that you continue this conversation with your MDs about other options. There are other things you could use to provide some help here. It may be different, but there are other meds that have the potential to provide you some help.
And that is one of the two big things I am thinking about as I read your posts here: there are options for help (even if different) and secondly you have indeed done work to get where you are now. Nothing is going to be perfect- the help (meds, a coach, a therapist, social support, a training program, accountability, your habits, routines, and tools), but all of these things can and do make a difference. As this year ends, this is your time to take stock of the helps/aids you do have, what you have access to, and what you can implement. This might feel more “intense”, yes. It might mean you are taking more time each day to care for this. That time is costly too, as is the mental load. But if you have some time and space for this, you can use it. And you have done positive things/work for yourself in this process. Again, nothing is perfect, so the habits you have built are going to be meaningful. Now is a great time to take inventory of these things, to appreciate them, and to trust yourself in these things.
I’m not suggesting some toxic positivity, affirmations that aren’t based in reality, or even that this will be easy. However, you can lean into the things you do have to use, the things you do have access to (or can add/get), and you can buckle in for what’s ahead.
Could you gain some weight going off the meds? Sure, but you might not. And if you do, you could lose it. Or you could gain and bit and then STOP gaining weight and maintain at a slightly higher weight. And for the rest of this year, you have the meds (and maybe into part of Jan as well), so this is a good time to assess what you do have to use here in 2026, during these few months when the food stress can be lower, so you have some space for some prep.
That was a lot, and I truly hope that in all of my words, you know that I feel that dread, and I am sorry. Feeling like you have this wonderful rug just pulled out from under you, so abruptly, and with so much uncertainly, sucks. Remember that something to help you is going to be better than giving up. And that you do in fact have some new habits, and those can really matter.