My beautiful Paradoxical life - Log

Ever do something you are really proud of and felt accomplished, then you have thousands of excuses non of which by the way are valid that you fell off of said accomplishment…ya that is my life. I entered the gym again to lift today for the first time in 6 months, I have gained a ton of weight in that time and lost a tremendous amount of strength. I was embarrassed, sad and disappointed in myself. My only goal right now is just to feel proud of myself again and to feel strong… yes I know this is not a measurable goal and I am ok with that at this time… I want to be able to walk into the gym again feeling confident and strong. Oy vey… it’s gonna be a journey and one that is worth taking:)

Squat
135 X 4
145 X 4
155 X 4

Over Head Press
65 X 4
70 X 4
75 X 4

Bench 1 ct pause (I actually meant to do 2 ct but I forgot…so I went with this instead:)
95 X 4
105 X 4
115 X 4

5 min back work

30 min of arc trainer heart rate average of about 135

Good luck, and welcome back! At least you’ve decided to get back to training. Better than not training!!

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Holy heavens to Betsy!!! The soreness is real!! Good lord have mercy the best thing about being sore is that within 6 weeks it will essentially be gone and I will appreciate not getting sore:)…YAY!!! I look forward to that glorious day:sunglasses:

Still astounded at the massive loss of strength but that’s alright, no reason I actually need to be strong except personal preference…that and if I continue to lift for the next 50 years I might even be a bad ass at the end:smile:

Getting back in slowly

Deadlift
155X4
175X4
195X4
205X4

2 ct. pause bench
95X4
105X4
110X4

2 ct pause Squat
95X10
115X10
135X10

Just Cardio day for me today
30 min cardio avg 130 bpm
5 min Abs
5 min super set bi and tri

I will add min to the abs and bi/tri, chest and glutes as I gain some strength back and get more conditioning happens

Box Squat 2 ct pause
4@95
4@115
4@135

Touch and Go Bench
4@95
4@105
4@115

RDL
10@135
10@145
10@150
RDL super uncomfortable on knee

+3 this week, will work on tracking macro’s and weighing daily to work on reduction

Squat
4@140
4@160
4@180
4@160

OHP
4@65
4@70
4@75x2

Dumbbell bench
10@25
10@30
10@35x2

Lifting session from Friday 9-7

deadlift
4@165
4@185
4@205X2

Bench 2ct pause
4@95
4@105
4@115X2

Squat 2 ct pause
10@95
10@115
10@135

Box squat 2 ct hold on the seat
4@100
4@105
4@125
4@145X2

Touch and go bench
4@100
4@110
4@120X2

RDL
10@135
10@140
10@145X2

30 min of cardio at avg. 130 BPM

Squat
4@135
4@155
4@175x2

Over Head Press
4@70
4@75
4@80x2

Dumbbell bench
10@25
10@30
10@35X2

Lifting felt really good today for the first time since starting back thanks a woman who told me I was a bad ass when I absolutely did not feel strong at all … I instantly hugged her, she lifted my soul at the exact time I needed it

Deadlift
4@175
4@195
4@215 X2

2 ct Bench
4@100
4@110
4@120X2

Squat 2 ct pause
10@75
10@95
10@115x2 . went much lower on pause squat this week not upset just noting it

Overall pleased, lifts are low still, I am feeling better doing them and i’m feeling satisfied with my progress thus far.

Box Squat 2 ct pause
4@115
4@135
4@155 X2 - was more conservative than needed to be will increase to 175 next sunday if body is feeling it

Touch and go Bench
4@115
4@120
4@125 X2 - thrilled asked for a spotter and didn’t need it at all… I killed this

RDL

10@135
10@145
9@155 X2 - still sensation in knee went super slow which helped however after this round I don’t think I shall do them again as they annoy me and I can do other stuff

Squat
4@45
4@165
4@185 X3

OHP
4@75
4@80
4@85 X3

Dumbbell Bench Press
10@30
10@35
10@40
6@40
10@35 . ** I failed at the second set at 40… I mean not really a fail, more like a just not there yet but will be:)**

From 9/21

Deadlifts
4@185
4@205
4@225 X3

Bench 2 ct pause
4@105
4@115
4@125 X3

2 ct Pause squat
10@85
10@105
10@125

Box Squat 2 count hold
4@125
4@145
4@165 X3

Touch and Go Bench
4@120
4@125
4@130X2
5@130 ( my spotter made me do 5…last rep was not pretty AT ALL)

Hip Thrust
10@135X3

I am capping out on weights I think still way lower than I was which bums me out but you know I guess I can only look forward what is done is done. I am feeling frustrated with myself not only for losing so much strength which is whatever, no real reason to have it in the first place except just because I like it; but more for gaining 40 pounds in a very short time and struggling intensely to take even a pound off all of which is 100% my fault I shan’t blame anyone or anything except myself and maladaptive coping skills which is still my fault because I have the tools to work against them the habits run deep. So feeling frustrated about gaining way too much weight, not fitting my clothes or my lifting belt and being way too weak… Anyway moving forward no reason to dwell, it will just keep me where I am, really just a sidebar. As Dori would say “just keep swimming… just keep swimming”.

Squat
4@150
4@170
4@190X3

OHP
4@75
4@80
4@85X3

Flat DB Bench
10@30
10@35
10@40X3

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Didn’t increase weights this week, probably will next week! All weights felt good and I just didn’t increase due to my intense tiredness, not a great excuse I am aware but man, could not stop yawning. Overall I was pleased with the lifts at this point I don’t even care so much at the weights as I care that I am getting to the gym and sticking to my program.

Also I did two sessions of GPP this week and was pleased with those as well!

Deadlift
4@185
4@205
4@215X3

Bench 2 ct Pause
4@115
4@120
4@125X3

Leg Press (I was supposed to do a squat with 2 ct pause however they were truly painful to my knee so I switched it up to something that did not cause intense pain… .it’s all good:)
10@208
10@298
10@388X3

I had a very interesting experience at the gym, a spotter for my bench lectured me on my grip, he wanted me to use a suicide grip for the bench instead of how I was using … Now he did not call it a suicide grip however that is indeed what it is and he lectured and lectured me about how I would become much stronger if I would just use that grip instead of the one I am currently using. Fascinating, pretty sure they call it a suicide grip for a reason…it’s not safe. Also if I remember correctly there have been studies that show better muscle activation when we squeeze the bar… anyway it was an interesting convo.

Today felt very good!!! Knee is golden so no worries from Friday situation!!:slight_smile:

Box Squat
4@135
4@155
4@175X3 - This felt really good and I can for sure continue increasing weight on this one… I think Box Squats are my favorite, hmmm… I like Pin Squats too though:)

Touch and go Bench
4@120
4@125
4@130X2 - these felt so good I needed to try a little heavier for my next set
4@135 -Guess who’s got wheels on!!!

Glute Bridge
10@65
10@105
10@135X3

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So positive about today… I lifted and if there was nothing else that is amazing, nothing in me wanted to. Had some self talk that I had to really work to get on the other side of, used all the strategies and wouldn’t you know it I changed the music to “Be a Man” that’s right from Mulan and shockingly enough it really did help:).

Squat
4@150
4@170
4@190X3

OHP
4@75
4@80
4@85X3

Flat DB Bench
10@30
10@35
10@40X3

Good progress. Any reason for all the sets of 4? I thought 5’s were more common

I actually have not taken such a huge break as this looks like I have…I did take two days off as my Son came home from college and spending time with him was about 10,000 times more important than lifting, not that I am not dedicated, I am, however I am way more dedicated to my family so I missed a couple of days last week… no worries (ok to be fair I had to talk myself through this situation to come to the conclusion that I did)

10/8/19 - everything very light from this day, I was in pain and just got through so for the squat I just did way way way more reps than anticipated or that I had planned however I believe I am compensating with my right leg and I did something to the side of my right leg (the good one) and it hurt to walk and was excruciating to squat so I just went super light, then went by feel from there.

Squat
6@45
6@65
8@95X3

OHP
6@65
6@70
6@75

Close grip bench
10@75
10@85
10@90

Leg press - sled only - left leg only - trying to use left leg in isolation

15 reps X3 (sled is 118)