Tim,
I’ll throw my 2cents into the ring on this if I may. I’m also very sorry to hear about your loss, and hope that you are doing all you can to deal with the emotional and mental pain it can bring.
I recently went about 10 months with no resistance training to speak of due to degenerative disk disease resulting in extreme pain radiating in my neck, shoulder, and down my right arm/hand. Also had numbness, tingling, and a measured loss of arm/grip strength, which ultimately lead to a surgery and a fusion of the two vertebrae. I was in recovery wearing a neck brace for my 50th birthday! I had continued pain and tingling for months after surgery before the nerve healed up such that I could do much of anything again without severe flare ups of the nerve. I developed DEPRESSION during this time from the lack of activity, and the fear that I would never be able to be active again.
Anywho, I’ve been training again for about 8 weeks with zero numbness/tingling, and only very little soreness in my neck from time to time. No radiating nerve pain at all. The first four weeks were bodfweight exercises for legs, like squats, walking lunges, etc. For upper body I did 10-15lb dumbbells for everything like overhead presses, laterals, rows, etc. I’m not suggesting this for YOU, as I was doing this just to get moving with SOMETHING before I lost my mind completely. In retrospect, I probably should have been doing this kind of thing much sooner.
I’ve now been on the beginner routine for the last 4 weeks. Surprisingly, I’ve found my overall strength was only down about 20% from what it was before surgery, and I’ve recovered 10% of that ALREADY. In other words, I’m only 10% from where I was 10 months ago when I stopped lifting. Very remarkable to me, but perhaps I shouldn’t have been so surprised by that since I had lifted pretty consistently for 5 years prior.
However, my work capacity is definitely less than what it was, even four weeks in. But that is not a big deal. I am finding the beginner routine to provide JUST the right amount of stress to help me get back into things without feeling beat up. I’m making progress and that’s great, but here’s the main thing to me:
Having to handle weights that are challenging again is SUCH a release mentally, and has provided an influx of POSITIVE EMOTION to help me get beyond the depression I was feeling. The 4 weeks of moving light weights around didn’t do that at all, though it was helpful physically. However the reward of facing a challenging weight, however relative it is to my current physical ability, and hitting those lifts as prescribed is where it is at! This is especially true if you feel like you are not in control, lacking direction, or whatever else. That was definitely me!
So as Jordan suggests, I’d encourage you to go to the gym today. Don’t sweat the routine necessarily, but don’t be afraid to apply some stress to your body either. Using RPE should regulate that part for you, but you might just find that you suddenly are aware you can do a lot more than you thought you could.
Best wishes!