Looking for a place to start with trying to help my wife lose weight. She is currently 5’9 and 388lbs. We have been trying to have kids through IVF but no one will help us because of her BMI. I know weight loss isn’t a quick process where she will drop from 57 BMI to the 50 or under they require. However she and her family have always been on the larger side and she’s been on “diets” ever since she was a kid. People just treat her like she sits around eating junk food all day but in actuality (and I really need to figure out how many calories she’s actually consuming) she really only eats maybe 1-2 meals a day. SInce shes been covid furloughed she only eats breakfast if shes awake when I am up to make it for her before I go to work. She doesn’t really eat if im not at home sometimes she’ll make herself a sandwich but she almost never eats again until i come home to make dinner.
Any suggestions would help or if you require any further information let me know.
While I think it’s admirable that you’re trying to help your wife, I think this is a tricky situation. Does she want to lose weight? If so, what is she willing to do and what are her preferences for the process? What resources and strategies, as well as obstacles, does she have in order to adhere to her self-selected process? I think these questions (and solutions) are better ferreted out by a professional (RD) than a significant other and, truth be told, I think if she was very interested in losing weight and ready to make the change then she’d already be taking steps to do so. In other words, it’s unlikely to be a lack of information, ya know?
Overall, I think having some professional help here is probably the best option.
I know that you intended this question for Jordan–and my two cents is not required here-- but as a guy with some experience in this area, I wanted to chime in.
Professional help is definitely the way to go. If we read/listen to a lot of content about health and fitness, we may know a little more about it than the average person, but we’re still just enthusiasts and I think that our spouses probably recognize that. In my experience, even when my perspective on a nutrition/health issue is well-researched, my wife is much more likely to take nutrition advice from a credentialed person than from me-- and I can’t blame her for that! It can be a little frustrating sometimes, but the professional certification affords a lot of trust and credibility that no amount of self-education can replicate. Body image and health issues are also very sensitive territory for lots of people, and even when we offer our spouses advice/help with all of the love and compassion that we have to offer, I think it can feel like some kind of judgment or non-acceptance to them. Having a third party with some emotional distance from the situation is helpful there, too.
All that said, there are definitely things you can do to help. What I"ve learned over the past few years is that it goes a long way if I let my wife tell me what kind of support she needs from me, rather than trying to offer advice. For instance, planning meals and thinking about nutrition stresses her out a lot. I offered to take over meal planning and cooking, and that’s worked out pretty well so far. She obviously still has a say in the grocery list, and we make compromises about what we want to eat for the week, but I do the lion’s share of the food-related work around the house. You might also consider whether you’re willing to compromise on some of your own training goals to help her pursue a fitness regiment. For example, my wife was interested in trying CrossFit. I put my strength goals on hold to try that with her because she didn’t want to do it alone. We found it wasn’t a good fit after a couple of months, but it was worth a shot. Perhaps gently encouraging your wife (in a non-pushy way) to experiment with different forms of activity, and being willing to participate in those forms with her, could also be helpful.
Again, this is all just my experience. I won’t pretend it’s universal or that I can tell anyone else what they would or shouldn’t do. It’s just one dude’s perspective offered in hope that it might be helpful.
Basically it is the whole meal planning and thinking about nutrition that stresses my wife out to. She doesn’t want to think or track. She just wants me to tell her what to eat and when to eat it but then every time i try to suggest or make something she tries it but she complains its not tasting good or not sitting well with her.