Anxiety/Fear Over Old Injury

Hello Docs,
Around 3-4 years ago I sustained a back injury high bar “squatting” (quotes due to having no idea what I was doing) around 365lbs and my back was never the same. I would throw my back out for a week attempting anything over 135 lbs. I thought I would never lift heavy again. Luckily I eventually discovered starting strength and realized I had no idea what I was doing. I eventually got an mri, and a diagnosis (something about a bulging disc somewhere and early arthritis, they asked me if I fell off a ladder or something), however I chose not to read the printout or acknowledge the diagnosis after listening to the “back pain” podcast with Rippetoe and reading some of Baraki’s articles. So I don’t actually know what the diagnosis was, precisely. I finished my lp about 2 months ago, and am squatting 365x3x5 next week.

Anyway, as I’ve started approaching heavier weights I’ve been feeling mixed feelings of confidence and fear. When I was deadlifting yesterday 410x3x2 on my second set I lost focus due to technical issues and the first rep became a grinder. I lost balance above the knees and felt a “slide” in the area I injured in the past. I still locked it out, but was so off balance my right leg slid sideways to compensate (with a wider stance). I immediately terminated the set. There was no pain afterwards, so I decided to go for the three rep set again and got it with some difficulty after the built up fatigue. How should I approach these moments in my training? Should I continue training as normal? Should I repeat the weight next week? I just want to keep getting stronger safely.
I intended to have a video, but my smartphone was on the fritz (part of the reason I lost focus, due to frustration over this).

Hi jwicken,

You have done an excellent job so far, working back up to those weights. It’s very common to have these feelings when you approach weights that you’ve had issues with in the past.

I think you are doing a good job being aware of your thought processes. The next step is to take charge of the thought processes and behavioral responses, so that you can stay confident when approaching them.

Remind yourself that it’s only 5 lbs heavier than last time. You might load the weight up in an odd fashion so it doesn’t “look” like 365.
Remind yourself that you’re far stronger than you were 3-4 years ago and are much more experienced now.
Remind yourself that you have a better idea of how pain works (hopefully, after listening to our podcasts) and what it means.
Remind yourself that your back is resilient, not fragile. That an ache, pain, or tweak somewhere is not evidence of catastrophe.

I can understand wanting to keep getting stronger safely, but know that there will be bumps in the road along the way, and it’s how you respond to them from a mental and behavioral standpoint that has huge influence on your outcomes. You will be ok.

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Baraki and Barbell Medicine Coaches,
Thank you so much for your tireless support and sharing of experience. Your work has had a profound impact on me and likely countless others.

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We need a podcast on thinking for success.

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